April 27th, 2011 is a day those in the south are likely never to forget.  In the days between April 25th and April 28th there were over 350 torando’s spanning 21 states.  The largest tornado outbreak in US History.  April 27th, the storm hit Alabama and changed my life here in Tennessee.

There is something completely indescribable about watching Facebook and Twitter and hearing towns you know, streets you know, places you’ve been…being completely destroyed.  I refreshed my page hoping to see updates from friends.  Letting me know that the news was wrong, James Spann was wrong.  But James Spann isn’t wrong, and he wasn’t wrong then either.

Many friends of mine lost their homes, luckily my family was safe.  But the instant shift in me was clear.  I couldn’t look at this and watch this happen and not do something.  I connected with a church about an hour from here that was already sending supplies down to Alabama, Cody and I emptied the tolietries section of the local Dollar Store and dropped them off.  Doing our part right?  But it wasn’t enough.  I watched video’s and cried.  My friends posted pictures and I knew it wasn’t enough.  The toothbrushes and tiny deodorants and sun screen…they weren’t enough.  I wanted to do more.  I just wasn’t sure what more meant.

And then it came naturally.  A Facebook page had been started Toomer’s for Tuscaloosa (TFT), donation spots all over the country were being set up at a rapid pace.  But no one could find a local one because the page was moving so fast, too fast.  I would organize it.  I could do that from my house.  I would just have a website set up, list each state, and organize these locations as they came in.  I had no idea what I was walking into.  What I was about to get myself into.  But I needed to do more, and I am not the type to wait around and ask for direction.  I just did it.

The first days of helping with relief are a blur.  Cody would wake up in the morning and I would still be working.  But what I was doing was such a small part in such a massive thing.  I honestly can not even begin to tell you how big this relief effort had become.  And what I was doing, was nothing.  I couldn’t physically BE there helping.  But I was doing what I could.  And I felt peace with that.  At one point during the first week or so there were donation drop off locations in every single state.  Most states had multiple locations accepting donations to come to us.  People were paying out of pocket for UHauls to bring the donations down to Alabama.  Truck Drivers were picking up items and bringing them to us when they could on their routes.  The generosity I experienced moved me to tears daily.  I was broken hearted seeing what was happening in my home state, but being healed by seeing how much others were willing to do and give of themselves.

There are phone calls, and stories, and pictures, and conversations that happened in that first week that have changed my life.  I remember sitting in my basement and taking a call from someone doing search and rescue and crying.  I couldn’t see the keyboard in front of me because of the tears.  Many people wondered why I was helping, why I didn’t just take a break.  How could I?  I was sitting in my air conditioned house, with a roof over my head and food in my fridge, my family was safe.  How could I simply walk away for a day knowing that I was helping someone?  Someone who lost every physical item they ever owned?  Who lost their mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, friend?  Why should I get to take a break from helping that person, even if they don’t know?  How could I?

My role in TFT changed quickly.  As the immediate efforts evolved to a more long term relief effort the needs of the group changed.  Lisa, who will always be referred to as my TFT Wife, and I manned e-mails, handled corporate donations, begged corporations for donations.  Made phone calls, answered e-mails, handled the Facebook page.  We weren’t the only ones mind you.  There were others.  We were all doing a small piece that made up the whole.  The grass roots organization that started immediately after the April 27th tornadoes was now a Non-Profit Organization.  We were able to organize volunteers to go out in groups and assist in clean up.  We were able to organize meals for victims and volunteers.  We were able to give clothes and other necessities to families who lost everything.

You can’t be a part of something like that and not have it change you.  You can’t watch destruction the same way again.  Sometimes you close your eyes and you remember the stories and your heart breaks all over again.  The group of people I worked hand in hand with are part of my life forever.  The four of them who make up the only people I really talked to for weeks.

It’s been a year and Alabama still hasn’t recovered, physically.  But that sort of repair takes time.  When you look at maps like this one you feel as though a state may never recover.  But that’s not how Alabama does things.

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OK, so I have about 10 things I’ve wanted to blog about before Holden gets here.  But because he’ll be here no later than next Monday I feel like there is no way I am going to blog it all.  So I at least wanted to knock out a few (Especially the photo’s from my maternity session with Heather Todd Photography!  SWOON!)

So here’s the real deal.  This baby will be here by this time next week.  Either earlier because he’s impatient, or by the schedule because he knows that the world is crazy on the outside and he’s better off on the inside {but he’s done, I cant be pregnant forever.  This is now the longest I’ve ever been pregnant and I gotta tell you, I’m not loving it}.

I feel like I have less instincts about this pregnancy than I ever had before.

I am only 70% convinced he will still be a boy. I think because having a boy seemed like something that was never going to happen, but also because I know absolutely nothing about boys and I learned on twitter how much boys are drawn to bugs and reptiles…and those are just not my bag.  I picked out a new back up girl name in case he is a she come baby day.

I feel like the uterus that was mansion sized (I mean it’s still mansion sized, but now I feel like it’s average mansion, not anything different than the rest of my very very pregnant friends) has convinced everyone he will be bigger than Sophia was (8lb 4 oz at 37 weeks).  But I am left feeling less than convinced.  I don’t make ‘em small…but it could be an illusion.   He could come out at 7 lbs and shock us all.  My instincts draw a total blank her.

I knew that when Sophia was born she would look like Cody.  I remember vivid dreams about it.  This time?  I have no idea.  Sophia couldn’t look more like me now unless cloning were legal.  But Holden, will he look like me at first and then grow up to look like his Dad?  Will he be like Sophia and look so much like Cody in the beginning but slowly start to show my traits?  Will he go through life looking like neither of us?

I have no idea what to expect out of his personality.  I have been lucky in the aspect that my offspring like sleep.  This is really good because I really tend to like sleep too.  And there is never a way to get too much of it.  But will Holden be this way as well?  Or will I be kissing ANY sleep goodbye for a good 4 years?

I have no idea what is coming.  Which is crazy, this isn’t my first time at the rodeo.  I have no idea why this time when I try to picture it all I draw a blank.  I guess reality will be here soon enough.  I will see his {or will it be her?!?!?!?!!!!!} sweet face and figure it all out.

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A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to.  ~Robert Brault

I have been wanting to write a post devoted soley to talking about Sophia for over a week.  But every time I try to write I stare at the screen.  How can I tell you everything I want you to know?  How can I express how hard headed she is?  How stubborn she is?  How fun her sense of humor is?  How sometimes when I look at her I am amazed she is mine?  How exhausting yet rewarding it is to be her Momma?

Photo taken by the wonderful Heather Todd Photography

There really aren’t words for all of that.  Our days of just the two of us are numbered, and soon she will be sharing my attention.  And I worry now that I won’t be enough, honestly I already worry I am not enough for her.  I haven’t been able to be as active as I know she would like.  But she is so gracious.  I know she would rather run outside to play bubbles than sit on the couch and read books, but she enthusiastically climbs on my lap to read every day.  I find myself hoping that I can carve time in our lives where she gets the time with me she deserves.  That in the future I am not stretched so thin that she doesn’t know that she can count on me, that I am always here for her.

This is such a cute book. It's called Pretend. And I love how fun it is!

But I don’t have time to worry on the future for too long before she is making me laugh.  Her humor and her comebacks catch me off guard constantly.  We have come so far with her speech that sometimes I am still shocked when she replies in a way I never knew she could.  This morning, after I changed her diaper, we were sitting on the floor for a bit she looks at me very seriously and puts her foot in my face and goes “Petty sure mah feet stinky” and starts laughing to the point her eyes aren’t even open and I think she may fall over.  Every day there is something new.  And I can’t help but laugh with her.  There is no option to think too much about the hard things in life, she won’t allow it.  When I look at her and listen to her tell me stories…I know that no matter what there will be joy.  In her eyes the world is good, and I don’t want her too grow out of that too quickly.

We need to work on hiding skills, obviously.

But don’t think that she’s a peach every moment.  Sadly, that’s not the case.  As we inch closer and closer to three (less than 4 months!  WHAT!) I am seeing a stubborn streak in her that shows no sign of calming.  And I can already see signs of questioning authority.  Why does the toy have to go in this basket when this other basket seems like just a fitting place to go?  Oh because my Momma said so?  Well that’s not really a good enough reason, thankyouverymuch, I’ll just throw it across the room instead.  While her language development has allowed her to communicate so much better, and has alleviated many tantrums we previously dealt with, there is no shortage of throw-myself-on-the-floor-scream-and-kick-my-feet tantrums.  And whoa, there really are no warning signs!  Trying to manage these with out picking her up has become a real treat.

I can’t wait to see her as a big sister.  To watch her with Holden.  To be witness to sibling love.  But I know that as the days til my c-section fall away, and the contractions start kicking in…the days of Sophia and I here alone are numbered.  While the amount of work caring for two will be, and how intimidating that is, I think often about how much I will miss this time with her more than anything.  This time of knowing her the way I do, the time of being able to read stories uninterrupted, and just talk one on one with her over snacks in the afternoon.  I look at her and think that she is already such a good person, better than I am.  And I hope that I can do a good job to not ruin that in her.

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I am currently hooked on business and financial documentaries.

There.

I said it.

It’s out there.

Whew.

I wouldn’t even have this problem if it weren’t for Netflix and their lacking selection of movies I want to watch or shows I care about.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve learned from these documentaries.  I avoid the ones that are heavily political.  But let’s face it, many of the financial ones are bound to be a little political seeing as how involved the government is in finances and business (don’t worry, that’s as political as I’ll get ’round here).

I started by watching Maxed Out, and then I broke out in a cold sweat over the idea that my children will go to college and be bombarded with credit card companies throwing free stuff at them just for signing up.  And then I remembered when I was 18 and the number of credit card companies that sent me things.  Or how any time I would go shopping, every store wanted to throw a credit card application at me.  I WAS ONLY 18!

But that’s where it’s started.  And I’ve watched eight since then.  I can’t stop.  It’s becoming a problem.  Especially when I watch one that is sort of complicated to understand in bed instead of falling asleep (House of Cards, totally confused me, and I feel like we shouldn’t be able to buy a house with out understanding it.  But then ALAN GREENSPAN didn’t understand it all.  And that made me feel better.  But only partly so.)

I also can’t stop learning more about major businesses.  I watched a documentary on Target, and had the urge to go shopping (ok, let’s be real, that isn’t a difficult urge to come by when it comes to Target).  But it made me want to SUPPORT Target.  Which is sort of ridiculous considering they don’t need much support.  Everyone knows they’re awesome.

And Coca-Cola…did you know that their bottle shape is trademarked!?  How genius was that?

I can’t stop.  I can’t say it’s making me any smarter.  Maybe more aware?  Maybe scared?  But whatever, I can’t stop myself.  And as soon as Sophia goes down for a nap I’m likely to start another.

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Ok, yes.  I just sang the Beastie Boys.  Out loud.  While typing that horrible cheesy subject.  This is what happens when your massive belly keeps you from sleeping and then you have to drink a coke with your breakfast because you are tired of water but there’s no milk.  And then you decide you should blog about all the things you thought about while laying in a hospital bed getting another transfusion (Oh hi, yes, that happened yesterday.  I will blog on that later).

So anyways, having baby.  That is happening here in the Chandler world in about 3 weeks.  I pray constantly not a day sooner than April 30th because I have too much to do still, and getting it done is taking longer than I had hoped.  Such is life.  I can not believe that Holden will be here soon and I honestly can’t wait to press my nose into him and just take him in.  (Almost as much as I know my heart will explode when Sophia meets her little brother for the first time).

It’s no secret around here that I will be having a c-section. A VBAC just isn’t in the cards with me, and honestly I am not really heartbroken about that.  But what I hate is how many hospitals, especially in the south, don’t put weight in the bonding experience that birth should be.  Even if that birth didn’t happen in a labor and delivery room.  It is still important that mother and baby get a chance to bond, as soon as possible.  I have wrestled with how to handle this part for months.  I decided fairly early in the pregnancy I would switch doctors & hospitals at the start of my 3rd tri.  I had to wait until Cody was home from training, but I wanted to be with a doctor and at a hospital that put value in the things I valued.  Unfortunately, life changed it’s course.  And I decided it would make life a lot more simple to stick with the hospital and old school doctor and just do what I could to change my experience.  I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to do that, because when a system is set in their ways it’s really hard to change anything.

I will say that I think I wouldn’t have met the right people to ask, or known what to ask if I hadn’t been in the postpartum area for transfusions twice.  I was able to ask details about current policies, about the nurses experiences and views on things I wanted differently, and I was able to speak with the head nurse of the department.  In many situations where you want to push the limits of current hospital policies it really is who you talk to.

I have made requests that are not typical of things they do in this hospital.  Things such as having Holden with me in the recovery room (they never do this, but there seems to be no policy or reason that they don’t. It will depend on his sugar levels & body temp though).  To have him brought from the nursery at night to me more often than the typical 3 hour stretch (again, no reason they don’t.  Three hours is just what they’ve done. Due to the c-section and medication I can not have him with me all night with out someone in the room with me).  They will call the LC in and have her there when I get to my postpartum room (The LC only normally works one day a week.  So unless you know to request her to come in, she likely wouldn’t be around to help).  And I can have the breast pump delivered to my room and waiting on me when I get to the room from recovery (they do not rent out pumps from the hospital, I have to rent from a local medical supply company.  But after some discussion they worked out to have the company deliver it to the hospital!)

These things probably don’t seem like much to many people.  In fact it seems like what they would expect.  But small town hospital in the South?  This is major.  There are of course things they will require before allowing some of my requests.  So just like having a birth plan, my postpartum plan may not go exactly the way I hope.  But I am hopeful.  I have done what I can do to try to have a better experience after a c-section than I have had in the past.

I guess my hope is that if you know you’re having a c-section, and you’ve resigned yourself to go along with what the hospital really does…don’t.  Ask questions, to the right people (the nursing staff is usually the best place to start).  Ask what the policy is and see if they have room to work with you on changes you’d like to make.  Normally a hospital does the same thing day in and day out that they don’t really know WHY they are doing it, and it is normally more conservative than hospital policy.

And don’t worry, I am sure I will update you in 3 weeks and some change how it went.  What didn’t go as I had hoped, and what went better than I imagined.  

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GIVEAWAY CLOSED

The day that my friendly UPS man delivered the two prettiest boxes I had seen in a long time, he commented it wasn’t a fun delivery.  Oh little did that friendly UPS man know.  I have a sick love for vacuum cleaners.  More precisely for vacuuming.  It’s the lines in the carpet.  You know the lines I’m talking about.  The ones that form as you vacuum back and forth in a cathartic motion.  It’s the reason why I hate Berber carpet, and probably why my bedroom gets vacuumed much less than the thicker carpet that is in the rest of my house.  Back and forth, lines and lines.  It is a sickness.  A sickness I am so happy that Oreck was happy to feed into.

Two Oreck Boxes of Goodness and Sophia kissing our new love, the Oreck.

The day I received the Magnesium vacuum I couldn’t put it together fast enough.  Except it was probably the fastest thing I’ve ever put together that’s come in a box.  It came in 2 pieces I think.  I can barely remember because that part is a haze of “AHHHVACUUM” in my head.  I was almost sure that part of my vacuum had to be missing, it was so light.  It feels like a toy vacuum.  I couldn’t help it, the doubts started creeping in.  Would it do a good job?  Would it be strong enough for all the cracker crumbs Sophia leaves in her path?  And equally important to those things would it leave the lines I love so so much?

It may be light weight, but it knocks out a heavy weight (wow, that was so corny)

As Sophia was occupied pretending the box was a boat, I plugged it in and turned it on, and my mind was blown all over my livingroom.  It is light.  Curiously light.  I don’t have answers for how it’s so light, and I am not questioning it.  Because you know what a light vacuum with an hard core motor does?  It basically moves itself around the living room.  It is so light, I decided I would teach Sophia to do her part around the house and get to work.  Why should I be the one cleaning up her crack crumbs forever?? (Do you see her one handed skills?  It is light y’all!!)

I am at that crazy nesting stage of pregnancy where even though there are major tasks that need to be done (you know, car seats, baby laundry, a proper place for a baby to sleep) if my carpets have lines, I look around and the rest of the list turns into a blur.  Add in the fact that now I can “push” (or rather, guide, because I don’t really even push it) this bad boy around with out the weight of my other vacuum, I don’t even feel like I’m over doing it.  And my carpets.  Oh my beloved carpets.  They have such pretty lines.

I know what you’re thinking, what is left out that makes it light?  And while I am no engineer, I think you can see the lack of hoses and attachments and do-dads is probably part of the equation.  But remember, I got two boxes.  The second box housed the solution to any attachment needs I could ever have.  With a shoulder strap.  Oh boy.  This is what it’s like to be an adult, huh?  The Ultimate Handheld takes care of my stairs, the baseboards, the furniture, my car…the only thing my old vacuum is still useful for is bug removal (you know, sucking up that spider that made it’s way into myhouse.  My Oreck is too well respected and loved for me to give it that gross task!!)

I know I have gone on and on and on about my current love, my Oreck.  But I wouldn’t dare rub your face into my new love with out giving you a chance to have some love yourself.  (Sorry, though, this giveaway is only open to residents of the 48 contiguous states.)

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If you would like to enter to win the Oreck Magnesium and the Ultimate Handheld, it’s as easy as can be.  To make things even easier, you can use rafflecopter!  Just sign in (just your name and your e-mail will work, and I need your e-mail anyways in case YOU WIN!) then click through and it does the work for you.  Winner will be contacted by email with in 48 hours after the giveaway ends. The winner will have 48 hours after the e-mail is sent to reply, if I don’t hear from them after 48 hours I will choose another winner!  You just need to make sure  you comment with what you learned, so that the rest of the entries count!  If you have any problems or questions feel free to e-mail me!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Disclosure – I was given the Forever Series Gold Vacuum with Ultimate Handvac to review from Oreck. All opinions stated in this post are entirely my own opinion.  Oreck Corporation provided the prize for the sweepstakes but is not the sponsor of the sweepstakes.

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Sometimes I think we waste our words and we waste our moments, and we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance. -Clay

:sigh:

My heart, it is so empty and full and drained that I don’t know if I can type out the words on my heart.  This show, that some think I care too much about, has defined so much of my twenties.

I watched the first episode two weeks before one of the biggest events of my life.  The turmoil in my life as I watched that first episode was off the charts.  I watched the first episode as an escape.  Something new that couldn’t be related to the life I had been living, something that wasn’t tied to what I was trying to forget about the prior year.  In two weeks my life was going to change, and I needed something new to escape to.  I have watched every episode, sometimes as an escape from the reality I was feeling, sometimes to remind me of home, sometimes to feel connected to something, sometimes to share a part of my heart with my new life, sometimes to be reminded of memories, sometimes just because I was emotionally connected to this show through my own life.

The past months have been trying, and even as I type that my eyes are filling with tears.  For the last 13 weeks I have used this show as an escape again.  Again, my life filled with turmoil, and I have turned to these characters that have been around for most of my twenties to help me get away from it.  To give me an hour to not think about it.  It’s just a show, but it’s been such a constant in the extreme ups and downs that have been the last 9 years.  This last episode comes 3.5 weeks before the arrival of my son, in a time of extreme turmoil.  In a strange way it is leaving my life much like it came in.  Only I am 9 years older and, I can say with certainty,  much wiser.

The “show that isn’t afraid to be still”  has stood out when others couldn’t.  It has remained relevant to my life, to me, to my heart.  The exact thing I needed at the exact time I didn’t even know I needed it.

A perfectly timed quote from Tennessee Williams, “We all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns down the house…with us trapped, locked in it.”  

A perfect song from Jimmy Eat World, “23″, “I won’t always love what I’ll never have, I won’t always live in my regrets“.

A perfectly timed inside joke, “Go Brooke yourself.”

A perfectly timed voiceover, “Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.”

I watched tonight’s episode and felt like the show was ending the same way it started, quietly.  Life changing events happening quietly.  Happening with out fanfare.  There is no other way I would have wanted to see it end.  I can relate ever major event to this show, and now this show is tied up with a ribbon and placed on a shelf.  As my life is about to turn another big corner.  Being able to watch each character say goodbye to the character from years ago, seemed fitting to what is coming in my life.  As I say goodbye to the girl who dreamed of a life that she had and soon won’t.  As I move forward forming new dreams, and I embrace a new future, full of challenge but with the knowledge that it will be so full of reward.

So goodnight, One Tree Hill.  Thank you for being a place for me to turn for the last 9 years.  A place for me to think over my life, or escape it.  A place to consider something I never thought about before.  A place for me to love.

Sometimes when you’re young you think nothing can hurt you. It’s like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it’s not always that easy. It’s not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made where simply plans. Because at the end when you’re looking back instead of forward you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you’re leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered. -Lucas

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The morning I went in for the blood transfusion I really didn’t know what to expect.  Like I said previously, there isn’t a lot of information about getting a transfusion while pregnant.  I went in to see my OB/GYN to have my blood count checked one last time, and at that point the nurse said “See how you can see through that, well that’s not good”.  Oh boy.  My numbers were even lower than they were 5 days prior.  She went ahead and called over to the hospital so they could send someone over to come get me for the transfusion, while I waited in a room for my doctor.  Who was in and out of the room in a few minutes.  Yep, he still thought a transfusion was my best course of action.  He would see me 2 weeks after the transfusion to confirm that my numbers were in a much better place.  He was sure this would be the fix.

I was so embarassed being wheeled out of the drs office in a wheel chair, I was perfectly capable of walking.  And the look on the patients faces.  I am sure they all thought my water broke during my appointment.  If only they knew, I am sure their freaked out faces would have been a little more freaked out.

I was told this was about a 3-4 hour process.  I would get checked in (thankfully to the PP side, they have much comfier beds!), they would take some blood, cross match it in the computer, find me a match and we’d get the show on the road.  Only, like all things, it couldn’t just be that easy.  It seem’s I have a rare antibody.  One that means instead of finding a match and getting the blood ready taking only 30 minutes, it took 2 hours.  I came prepared with Netflix….but not with a comfortable change of clothes (in the future, have pajama pants at the ready y’all).

A little Mad Men action to pass the time.

Once they got started it was a really easy process.  Once they were able to find a match everything went really easily.  I was told from nurses there with over 20 years of experience in the L&D/PP area’s that they had only seen one or two other pregnant women who got blood transfusions while pregnant…with the exception of women with sickle cell (and I guess it’s pretty common for sickle cell women to get blood transfusions while pregnant? I have no idea)  They took my temperature a few times during each unit I received, as well as checked my blood pressure.  Because I was there for so long they fed me lunch (decent) and dinner (not decent).  I had an unlimited supply of hospital ice, and a sweet old lady who came in to offer me juice.

I was fairly relaxed. It really is no different from an IV, you know other it being someone elses blood.  Which is a little freaky if you think about it, I don’t.  The nurses were completely shocked I was able to function as well as I was with levels so low, not only able to take care of myself but a small child.  It is amazing what you can do, when things have to be done.

Sadly, there was a bag of blood and no Damon or Stefan to be found.

I was told over and over I would feel so much better.  That the next morning I would wake up feeling amazing.  Honestly, the next day I did wake up feeling better.  I did have more energy than I had had in months.  The urge to get things done hit me and I had to force myself to stick to the restrictions my dr put on me for other reasons.  But for me, the second day hit hard; I was sick.  Sicker than I had been the entire pregnancy.  It was a horrible experience, and it led to a lot of crying, a call to my doctor, and a visit to labor & delivery.  A reaction to a transfusion can be a lot of things, including not too serious.  It feels serious, when you’re the one who cant keep food down.  But they hydrated me via IV, gave me a shot to help with the sickness, and sent me home.

Once I felt better, I really felt better.  Compared to where I had been, this new feeling was amazing.

I have more to write on this, but this post is getting rather lengthy.  I would like to tell you I will write more tomorrow, but we see how that turned out when I said that last week.  I will try to get to it this week.  It is an ever developing story, unfortunately. 

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If you follow me on the Twitter, you know I had a blood transfusion a couple of weeks ago.  At 30 weeks pregnant.  When I took to the trusty Dr Google to find out everything I could about getting a blood transfusion during pregnancy, the internet came up short.  There is not much information.  In fact most of the (limited) information I found about getting a blood transfusion while pregnant came from the UK and I had a difficult time comparing blood levels here to there and it was frustrating and I shut my computer, cried, and decided I would just trust my doctor.  This is difficult for a lot of people, but I guess the need for a transfusion during pregnancy is one of the reasons it is important to have a doctor that you trust.

My doctor is very laid back.  Almost annoyingly so.  Nothing is a big deal, everything is always fine.  But his concern over my blood levels was a big deal, and the fact that he was concerned meant I needed to take this just as seriously as he was. My doctor is a good doctor, hes been delivering babies for decades (and decades, and decades, I swear he’s 80 years old, and there’s an old news paper article about him delivering his 10,000th baby.  It’s an old article.  He’s old.  He knows the drill).

They had been closely monitoring my blood levels, trying different iron supplements at different levels.  At one point I was taking an iron supplement 2 times a day and prenatals 3 times a day.   There was absolutely no improvement.  In fact every appointment my numbers were getting lower.

Finally around 27 weeks my doctor brought up iron shots, and I went home to google.  I wasn’t pleased with some of the results and side effects, especially because it doesn’t always help.  An alternative that seemed to have better results was an iron transfusion.  My next appointment came, my levels were lower, and before he could bring up the shots, I brought up iron transfusion.  And he countered with blood transfusion.  And my mouth fell open, and I sort of got hot.  This was a new level of plot twist.  He felt that at this point my levels were so low he didn’t feel comfortable waiting for an iron shot or iron transfusion to work.  He needed my levels up NOW.  It was at a point it was dangerous, and he needed to know when was the earliest I could come in to be admitted to have it done (since I would have to have someone watch Sophia).

Well, if that isn’t exactly something you want to hear from your laid back, everything is no big deal doctor.  I was shaking on the way home.  My mind spinning of dangers of a blood transfusion.  I have never even heard of pregnant women getting these, and I was on a large pregnancy message board that shall remain nameless.  If out of all those pregnant women on that board, no one ever got one…I worried there must be a reason this doesn’t happen.  I couldn’t wait to get home and google.  Because that’s what I do.  Google.  Everything, as you can now plainly see.

Google did tell me that it didn’t happen often, by not having much information.  I just had to trust.  I asked on twitter, I knew some people had gotten blood transfusions in their life.  They explained that before the blood transfusion a nurse would come in, explain everything to me, and I would have to sign it.  There are risks, they are sort of scary.  It wouldn’t leave much time to weigh options, or google more, or whatever.  I would be there.  Probably already hooked up to a regular IV with just saline.

I just had to trust my doctor.  I had to trust his experience.  I had to trust the fact that I had been through an entire pregnancy with him before, and now this one…I knew how he reacted to things, I knew his judgement was solid.  I was nervous going into it.  I mean can I say it again?  A blood transfusion while pregnancy just doesn’t happen that much.  There were obviously reasons doctors don’t just turn to it as a first course.

I will write about actually getting the transfusion tomorrow, the things I learned about getting a blood transfusion during pregnancy and some of the things the nurses told me (since I saw like 8 nurses, the freak show with the dangerously low blood count and all).  

I am not a doctor.  If you have found this post through google and are looking for my personal experience I will be more than happy to talk about that.  But I am not sharing my blood levels before or after, or information on how much blood I received.  These are things that should be discussed with your doctor and/or specialist.  

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Yes, as in Paris, France.  Not Paris, Texas.

And no, this didn’t happen recently, have no fear friend who are feeling like they missed A LOT.

This is another post in the series “This one time…”

This was way back, New Years ’05.

All the amazing things you think about spending Near Years Eve in Paris…they are all true.  Probably more than true.  In fact I added it to my bucket list after I did it just so I could cross it off.

I was stationed in Germany years ago, and the perk of being stationed in Europe are the trips.  There are CHEAP trips.  Amazingly cheap.  I think it was 200 dollars to spend 3 days in Paris.

Was it enough?  No.  Not by a country mile.  But it is one of those amazing things I’ve done that I wish I could work into every day conversation more.  How awkward would THAT be?

The trip included a four course meal at a 5-star restaurant across the street from the Moulin Rouge, that also included unlimited wine.  {It would have been nice if any of us KNEW that so we could have brought more appropriate clothes!}

With no way to use any hair styling devices, our hair all left something be desired.

Site-seeing downtown Paris

Everything in Paris is so eccentric!

Everything was just so photo-worthy! I wish I could go back now that I have a better camera!

A ride on the Seine River at night (have you ever tried to take pictures at night with a P&S in 2005, yeah, I have no sharable pictures!)

And then ringing in the New Year with thousands and thousands of strangers, and a few friends…at the Eiffel Tower.  One of the most memorable moments of my life.  So absolutely moving.  Strangers hugging you, people crying and cheering.  Bottles of champagne being drank and sprayed.

I snapped this picture on the way back to the bus, there was no way to take pictures in the madness at the Eiffel Tower, but I knew it was a night I would never want to forget.

The Eiffel Tower is so amazingly beautiful.

Three Days to experience Paris.  Was it enough?  NEVER.  But there is more.  I still haven’t even talked about the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

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